• In the early part of quarantine, you know, the post “Tiger King” but pre “Last Dance” era of quarantine, my Mom sent my wife Anna Paone and me a surprise gift. It was a “100 Movies to See Before You Die” poster. The thing is you couldn’t see all the little logos of each movie; you had to scratch them off. I hung it up. A month or two later, I became obsessed with scratching these small squares. I would treat myself to a scratch when I needed a mental break from work or just a moment of boredom. After awhile, I thought, “There’s a sketch here.” I compiled a list of things I thought was funny about the poster and then just wrote the thing. Pals Dave Stolz and Barak Ziv swooped in with punch ups and soon after Anna and I shot the short on a whim on a Sunday. It was perhaps my fattest day of the year; this sketch does not portray me in a flattering light. Hopefully, this serves as a great “before” photo for me someday. Anyhow, this is easily one of the best pieces Anna and I have done (and it’s only 2:47 long!). It feels uniquely personal because it’s actually something going on in my life and if you watch, you’ll understand how it puts us in literally vulnerable positions. If this all sounds like I’m being intentionally vague, it’s because I am. I don’t want to spoil the bit here which is actually the title of the thing. Your curiosity piqued yet? Good. You’re going to have to travel all the way to the comments to find out what this bit is. See you there.
• It’s been inspiring to see Anna Paone and Catherine Lamoreaux’s Dragonfly shows produced EVERY single Tuesday of quarantine. They rehearse every Monday at 5 PM EST and put on the show the following day at 8 PM EST like clockwork. You’d think they would run out of steam but it seems like they’re really just getting started; in fact, this week, they were nominated for "Best Production of an Original Play" by the NJACT Perry Awards. On a smaller scale, this week’s production of three short plays over Zoom was my favorite they’ve done yet. From the first one starring the versatile Abraham Ntonya (Arizona State’s Daniel Day-Lewis circa 2009-11) as a sad sack who can’t get anything going to be inspired by his sister to the second one-act starring my friend, the comic Josef Anolin as a 16-year-old(!) awkwardly chatting with a stranger who turns out to be an age appropriate 16-year-old girl. This play hit me like a ton of bricks because of one exchange in particular. The two leads attempt to encourage each other to follow their passion (art and video games) but both are too insecure to actually follow through on these dreams. Amazingly, this was written by a 16-year-old(!) who captured something about humanity that I’d never really been able to externalize: it’s a lot easier to be the metaphorical cheerleader than the quarterback. Still, thinking about this insight and wished I wrote this well when I was 16, let alone 32. Finally, Catherine Lamoreaux, the artistic director herself, starred in the finale as a woman set up on a date who brought friends along to lighten the mood. It was a funny palate cleanser to finish off the night. Looking forward to seeing what the company brings us this next Tuesday.
• Time really flew this week so I didn’t get much of a chance to binge watch a ton of stuff like I like to BUT I did catch a few movies and podcasts of note:
“I’m Thinking Of Ending Things” (2020): All of quarantine, I’d been looking forward to September 4. Like every film nerd out there, I’m obsessed with Charlie Kaufman. Every movie of his seems to explore a part of my untapped mind that I didn’t even know was full of rich, profound, comedic potential. In his latest, the logline is deceptively simple. A proudly boring know-it-all Jesse Plemons takes his spunky, apprehensive girlfriend Jessie Buckley to meet his parents (a jittery Toni Collette and an unbelievably inappropriate and exquisitely alive David Thewlis in the performance of the year) out in the country at their farmhouse. Of course, nothing is “quite right.” Why not? What seems like an uncomfortable “meet the parents” scenario is much weirder, pricklier and darker than anything I’d ever expect. Still, there are moments of comic sui generis like a reading of Pauline Kael’s review of “A Woman Under The Influence” accompanied by a Buckley impersonation, a throwaway jab at Robert Zemeckis, an extended homage to “Oklahoma” (I’ll be honest, I haven’t seen “Oklahoma;” Anna explained this to me) and a meditation on art needing “sad subjects” in them to portray sadness. When it’s over, you’ll read think pieces and come away shocked at what the movie is really about. He doesn’t spell anything out. Pretty audacious to employ a twist that viewers won’t even understand on first viewing. Not saying anything else; in fact, I’m leaving out my most choice observation on the movie out of respect for people that haven’t seen this thing yet. IF YOU NEED A MOVIE TO SEE FIVE TIMES TO TRULY “GET IT” THIS IS THE BEST 2020 HAS TO OFFER (Streaming on Netflix).
“Inkheart” (2008): Anna’s been trying to get me to see this favorite of hers for a really long time. I’ll admit I fell asleep the first time we watched when we started it at like 10:30; to be fair, I haven’t started a movie at 11 PM and finished it since like 2013. So, the second time we started much earlier and it went down easy. Sure, this is a somewhat confusing movie about a book binder played by Brendan Fraser (wish there was a “Harry Potter” homage like, “You’re a book binder, Mo,” yes, Fraser’s character is named Mo) who can make stories come to life by reading them aloud but it has its charms. There’s a fairly compelling story in here about how you can tear your family apart with a mistake, in this case, the mistake is that Fraser inserted his wife into the titular “Inkheart” and she’s stuck in the literary curiosity called “Inkheart.” When I say literary curiosity, I mean it. That’s what is really holding this thing back from being a rollicking good time- the story within the story is a mystery to the uninitiated- it’s hard to care for a narrative we were barely introduced to at all. If they had used a fairytale we all know and love, this would have been a much easier pill to swallow. ANNA’S REMAKE IS GOING TO BE WAY BETTER (Streaming on HBOMax).
“The Outsiders” (1983): Like most fanatics, I have a list of movies I want to see that I’ve never quite gotten around to that pretty much everyone else saw as kids while I was watching “Power Ranger” reruns. This list grows every day. However, “The Outsiders” has been at the top forever. This week, I vowed to give it a looksy to at long last learn the origins of “Stay gold, pony boy.” Based on a children’s novel and recommended to Francis Ford Coppola by a librarian to make it into a film (the world’s most influential librarian), it’s a fun period tale about the poetic bad kids that get mixed up in accidental murders and epically-scaled fights between hundreds of teens toward the end. What’s truly amazing about this movie is to see all the famous faces of the 90s as youngsters from Matt Dillon, Tom Cruise, Ralph Macchio (who honestly steals the show by demonstrating that these “toughs” are not invincible), Diane Lane, a slightly older Swayze, fricking C. Thomas Howell, Rob Lowe, Emilio Estevez and...Tom Waits. I didn’t love it but I did love every time Coppola decided to throw on Van Morrison’s “Gloria” just for the hell of it. IT’S COOL AND WORTH THE CURIOSITY FACTOR BUT THIS ISN’T GOING TO BLOW YOUR MIND (Streaming on Amazon Prime for $3.99).
“Danny Roane: First Time Director” (2006): I’m sorry but I’m an Andy Dick fan (yes, he is very problematic though; can’t erase that). I can’t help it; he’s one of those fearless comics that is more than willing to go way farther to humiliate himself than the rest of us pretenders. I stumbled across this bizarro “bottom of the Best Buy DVD bin circa 2008” type movie while browsing the comedy section of Hulu one day. I had no idea Dick directed and starred in a movie way back when. Threw it on my queue. Then, when I went back to watch it was gone. Forced myself to rent it on Prime to see if it was worth it. Well, this just about 80-minute feature (pretty much the bare minimum to qualify as a feature) was worth it. I laughed quite a bit at Bob Odenkirk’s shady producer that financed Dick’s half idea for a film, Ben Stiller’s sensitive former co-star that refused to act with Dick’s Danny Roane in his movie (I will say they go for some shamefully easy racist jokes that would make them wince today) and the titular Danny Roane who really had no idea what he was doing making a serious film. More than anything, this movie is a guide on how not to make a movie. Still, it’s packed with great film jokes like, “We’ll fix that in post,” said to the editor who repeatedly tells him the footage is unfixable, a very funny song about the perils of addiction sung by Anthony Rapp from “Rent” that can’t be fixed and a hilarious button at the end where the horrible film is accepted into the National Society of Jewish Women’s Film Festival (although once they show the movie, it loses a bit of the joke). Honestly, this short feature has more to say about the mishandling of post-production than the making of. IT’S SORT OF A HIDDEN COMEDY GEM (Streaming on Amazon Prime for $3.99).
“You Made It Weird” with Heidi Gardner: A quick admission- I’ll only listen to a podcast if I like the guest or am curious about what they have to say. I’m not loyal enough to any podcast to listen to every single episode. Most weeks, I’ll click into the “You Made It Weird” page on Wednesday and say, “Pass.” This week, I stopped what I was doing right away to hear more about my current favorite SNL cast member to learn more about her. She and Pete Holmes had a fairly entertaining sub-two hour conversation about a “snack draft” (Gardner and her friends literally held a draft for snacks and it genuinely sounded like a great time), how children have to do complex emotional work keeping their parents happy (at least they felt that way) and how you still have bad days even if you get your wildest dreams (apparently, working at SNL isn’t a cakewalk). The best part of the whole thing is when Gardner said she often told her Mom as a kid that “God’s last name isn’t dammit.” Wholesomeness like that never fails to get me.
One note about this podcast: Pete Holmes mentions that he’s “connecting” with Heidi so many times that it’s painful. Good lesson here- don’t talk about how good the conversation is; the listener will know.
• Saw a trailer for “The Comeback Trail” on my lunch break at work this week. Tweeted that it looked like Robert De Niro was doing an impression of Marc Maron. Yeah, I’ll admit I tagged Maron to see if he would catch it. Of course he did. This trick has worked twice now! Folks, if you want the attention of a celebrity you like, Tweet a sincere, unique compliment and tag them. You just might get their ear.
• Classic quarantine week planned this week. That translates to I’ve got pretty much nothing going on. I don’t even mind. See ya in a week with more nonsense.
Don’t forget! Watch that sketch. It’s literally right below this. Promise it’s worth your time.
01.) “100 Movies To See Before You Poop” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gswI7tMPhcY&list=PLoBsCsHJsKMrx6cuZ4Se8CQ_QBfOUcJ5U
02.) Dragonfly’s production: https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1165463943848817&extid=wqdKKL5c6HXdTNjJ
03.) “You Made It Weird” with Heidi Gardner: http://youmadeitweird.nerdistind.libsynpro.com/heidi-gardner
04.) Marc Maron Tweet: https://twitter.com/marcmaron/status/1301974851456958464
