• At this point in my life, I identify as a comedy nerd more than a comedian. I haven’t really made anyone other than my wife Anna Paone laugh in the past month. And even then, I don’t hit comedic home runs all the time. Luckily, I can itch the comedy nerd scratch almost daily- there are so many things to still consume. Occasionally, there are even opportunities. In fact, back in early May, my friend Jeremy Schaftel reached out and asked me if I wanted to be a part of a rehearsal for a Triumph the Insult Comic Dog Hollywood Squares Quarantine Edition. I immediately said yes- Robert Smigel and Triumph are two of my all-time favorite things in comedy history and there was no way I was going to miss this. The two of us sat in on the Zoom game show and watched Triumph process celebrity insults in real time. To clarify, essentially, Smigel and his team of writers crafted put downs and joke answers (“funny answers” is the whole conceit of Hollywood Squares which I had to watch a few episodes of to familiarize myself with how it works) for celebrities James Carville, Kenan Thompson, Susie Essman, Anthony Scaramucci, Ken Jeong, Joey Fatone, Tom Arnold, Julie Bowen and Jason Alexander. This was a real-life crash course into what being in a legitimate writer’s room was like and I got front row seats as a contestant on the show playing a “nurse that had COVID.” It was unbelievable to watch incredibly high-quality jokes being pitched at rapid speed. Most of them at Joey Fatone’s expense too.
Well, this week I actually got to see the fruits of my labor (if you can call sitting in a Zoom for two hours labor) with the actual celebrities and it was laugh out loud funny. Smigel and Triumph haven’t lost a step. I won’t spoil too much but two quick favorites from the show were the joke that Ken Jeong is here because “he can’t turn anything down” and a prank Cameo that they had Tom Arnold record. The link to the 31-minute video is in the comments and is absolutely worth your time.
• One of my greatest obsessions is unproduced screenplays/teleplays/scripts. There are so many dream projects that just never got made- in fact, you probably reading this have one or two sitting on your desktop as a PDF staring back at you as a glaring reminder of the ultimate to-do in your life. Been there. Got an idea for you though! Stage a Zoom reading. Seriously. Actors will a.) read your work and become champions of your story and b.) you’ll be able to determine what works and what doesn’t for when you actually make the thing. Alternatively, I’m fascinated by Hollywood players writing a feature-length screenplay and then it sits in development Hell for years and sometimes just never gets made. Happens all the time. Luckily, some of these screenplays are being staged as Zoom readings (just like I suggested above!). In fact, last night, I paid $12.50 (funds go straight to charity) to see a reading of “The Towering Disaster,” a parody of 70s disaster films written by David Cross. They assembled an insane star-studded ensemble cast made up of Michael Cera, Don Cheadle, David Cross, John Ennis, Will Forte, Regina Hall, David Koechner, Jack McBrayer, Michael McKean, Bob Odenkirk, Sarah Silverman, Ben Stiller, Kristen Wiig and Henry Winkler. I know. That’s my second list of famous people. As fun as all these folks are, there’s a reason this script was unproduced. I constantly found myself losing interest in the story even though I would laugh at jokes here and there. Definitely enjoyed Michael Cera’s performance the most. The guy still has insane comedic acting chops. When the pandemic is over, we need the Michael Cera leading man comedies train to take off again. Also, of note, about 40 minutes into this thing, David Koechner’s Zoom went out. Just goes to show you that no matter how high you fly in the industry, Zoom still doesn’t work for everyone.
This week, I did a deep dive on the works of my peers who have actually completed feature-length films and then asked them about their experiences. It was a truly educational process. The first of two movies I watched was:
“We’ve Forgotten More Than We Ever Knew” (2016): I have been temping at a startup for the past two months and one day while going through Slack, I uncovered a defunct #movies channel. In said channel, one of the company’s lead content writers promoted this feature-length film she produced and her husband wrote and directed. I told her I would watch. Very happy I did. This movie checks all the boxes off of what young filmmakers are told to do: have a small cast/crew, a single, unique location and a smart, stylish screenplay. Said story is about two post-apocalyptic travelers who come across a mysterious, timeless hotel that’s reminiscent of “The Shining” where they discover a mute, slim man who seems to have a past there. That man? Doug Jones, the mute, fish man from “The Shape of Water.” An insane coup for an indie film to get such a legend. It’s really a great, small movie you can stream on Amazon but my coworker told me it simply couldn’t get distribution which makes it difficult for the filmmakers to profit from their hard work. It’s a great film and a greater lesson that you can do everything right, get a name and still not turn a profit. Great learning experience and great movie (Streaming on Amazon Prime- support this movie!).
The second movie was:
“This is Our Home” (2019): Had no idea my friend Jeff Ayars starred in and produced a feature film (featuring Omer Rosen too). We had talked about the project before but I am a bad friend and had no idea it was completed and available. This week, I made it a priority to actually see it. “This Is Our Home” is a more traditional horror film than the above about a serious couple going to a childhood home where their relationship unravels in creepy, unexpected ways. It’s by no means your typical indie horror film though; it’s not interested in only scares. Relationships and backstories are fleshed out giving it the feel of an indie dramedy or a slice of life 70s film except one where everything goes impossibly wrong for the leads. They even pulled off the near impossible Jordan Peele standard of making something that’s equal parts artsy and mainstream all at once. Plus, they also did everything right here. They made a genre film (read: horror) with a small cast and few locations which is what we really all should be doing if we want to make movies that have actual potential to sell to investors. On top of that, this film goes to show that you can make a feature wisely/inexpensively and use it as a calling card to make your next dream picture. In the meantime, you can check this out by (Streaming on Amazon Prime- support this movie as well!).
Here are a flicks made by folks I don’t know that I caught over the past seven days:
“Enchanted” (2007): This is one of Anna’s all-time favorites. I’d never seen it or knew that it was a comedy. Just thought it was a Disney movie. Nope. It’s a great fish out of water concept where animated Disney trope characters end up in modern New York City with no knowledge of the real world (Anna realized it’s quite a bit like “Elf” midway through). Still, there are amusing setpieces with the eternally optimistic Amy Adams lead crying when she goes to Patrick Dempsey’s divorce lawyer’s office and hears that two characters are going to split up. Still, I couldn’t stay awake for the whole thing. That’s on me. The last 20 minutes, I found myself struggling to keep my eyes open. When I did finally wake up, the dance scene finale was totally ludicrous. I mean to be fair, this is a film about an animated character coming to life so I shouldn’t have let it bother me. So, I’ll say it’s a PERFECT HARMLESS MOVIE (Streaming for $3.99 on Amazon Prime; it was mysteriously not on Disney +).
“Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow” (2004): In high school, I remember going on opening day to this movie with a friend of mine and falling asleep about 15 minutes in (for a cinephile, I fall asleep in a LOT of movies). Needless to say, I was excited for the rewatch. My review is: it’s another perfect harmless movie. You get Jude Law and Gwyneth Paltrow bantering in front of painterly CGI art deco, a largely irrelevant plot about them thwarting an evil genius played posthumously by Sir Laurence Olivier and homages to literally all of the director’s favorite things ranging from “Star Wars” inspired shots to actual footage from “The Wizard of Oz” (this scene is perfection). It’s one of those kitchen sink films where the director put everything they ever wanted to see all in one place. Anna said she once read, “Treat every movie you direct like your first movie not your only movie” which is what this director did. Ironically, it ended up being director Kerry Conran’s only film. It’s a bummer because this was such a refreshing, weird, original vision (even if it was heavily influenced by films of the past I’d never seen anything quite like it even if I predicted some of the lines before the actors said them which happened multiple times). “Sky Captain” ended up influencing late 2000s movies like “Sin City,” “The Spirit” and other movies that look stripped out of comic books. THEREFORE, IF YOU LIKE CLASSIC CINEMA, THIS IS A NICE SPIN ON THE CLASSICS (Streaming on Cinemax- free for seven days on Amazon Prime).
“Life Stinks” (1991): Oh, man. Ol’ Mel Brooks has about as perfect a track record as anyone when it comes to comedy but he also has this strange, preachy movie about the homeless under his belt too. In “Life Stinks,” we get your classic studio comedy hero’s journey here where Mel is a high powered exec who wants to take over a poor neighborhood as does another high powered exec played by Jeffrey Tambor. Tambor bets Brooks that he can’t make it 30 days as a homeless man in this neighborhood and before you know it, Mel is on the streets. Tasteless jokes abound. It’s all a little tone deaf too. I expect better from my dude. Still, I got unintentional belly laughs from this 90-minute mess like when Tambor’s character feels a pang of guilt for his shameful actions for just a second and then immediately gives them up. Clearly this was an undercooked third or fourth draft rewrite that either not got cleaned up or a subplot was cut. Made me laugh damn hard. Also, a fight scene in a construction yard at the end was genuinely cinematic. I’ll say the film had its minor charms but PUT THIS LAST IF YOU’RE A MEL COMPLETIST (Streaming on Cinemax).
“Midnight Run” (1988): You know how there’s some movies you’ve been meaning to see forever but just never got around to it? That’s what this movie is for me. I’ve had it on countless lists of movies I want to see but it took a pandemic for me to get around to sitting around and seeing it. Here’s the long and short of it if this is still on your movie watchlist: the story is a more serious-minded, action-packed “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” where you swap Robert DeNiro for Steve Martin and Charles Grodin for John Candy (Grodin is fantastic in this). The twosome is traveling cross country to bring white collar criminal Grodin to a bail bondsman and hijinks ensue amid a silly, synth score that plays over fairly serious action scenes. The Danny Elfman (!) score had to have come from a studio note to make this fairly intense flciks feel more like a comedy. In any event, it’s a genuinely funny (in places) almost buddy road movie except for they hate each other’s guts before they come around and realize, “Hey, we’re not so different after all.” There are a few impressive storytelling techniques hidden in this movie like a run in with the cops at the end of the first act that’s usually reserved for a film’s climax and a moving scene between DeNiro and his estranged daughter that is powerfully played completely straight. His character is an awful guy who doesn’t deserve a redemption story but in 1988, he gets one. Speaking of 1988, this movie was released one week after I was born. I hope I’ve aged better. IT’S GOOD BUT A LESSER PLANES, TRAINS AND AUTOMOBILES FOR ME (Streaming on Cinemax).
“You Made It Weird” with Billy Eichner: This was a totally engrossing podcast episode also riddled with tech issues. I learned about Eichner’s pediatrician calling him obese (maybe technically accurate but tough for a kid to hear) and how “Difficult People” was mostly Julie Klausner’s invention. Really refreshing to hear someone in the industry not take credit for an idea. Another standout moment was Eichner waxing poetic on people saying they would “never raise their kids in New York.” He said, “Space in other parts of the country is what creates isolation and close mindedness.” Truth. I also related to a teenage Eichner’s bizarre obsession with movies’ box office amounts and reading entertainment magazines. The conversation shifted at the end to being about comedy gatekeepers which really is a larger conversation that needs to happen and finally a joke from an episode of “Difficult People” where Eichner’s character complained that modern comedies are basically half-hour dramas which Holmes recognized was a shot at “Crashing.” Appreciate the self-awareness. Finally, they teased a Judd Apatow-produced Billy Eichner movie. I’m psyched.
WTF with George Lopez: Quick listen here. Lopez talks about starting comedy in the 70s and he and Maron did my favorite comedy podcast thing: they talk about guys that didn’t make it admiringly teaching listeners a little bit more about forgotten comedy history. This episode, they discussed Angel Salazar (had never heard of him) who brought so many props onstage that he was often cleaning up his stuff while Eddie Murphy made his way to the stage. George also discussed how the network president at TBS screwed him over when Conan took his time slot (this appears to have all been a Jay Leno issue) and his wife giving him a kidney before they divorced. It was a great story. The whole conversation was easy and made a work day go much faster while listening.
As for old me, I’ve got another slow week ahead. I believe I’m doing Rebecca Kaplan’s Zoom show on Tuesday (I’m not an outdoor shows guy) and I literally think that’s it. I’m all about that slow home life.
Damn, can’t believe quarantine has been going on for four-plus months. Only 30 more years until we have a working vaccine
01.) Triumph Quarantine Special: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqk4yay1uqk
02.) “You Made It Weird” with Billy Eichner: http://hwcdn.libsyn.com/p/a/1/5/a152bf4f53b057a3/Billy_Eichner.mp3?c_id=78926270&cs_id=78926270&destination_id=81568&expiration=1595809086&hwt=0f768c51faa8d0354732ebca1634bcd8
03.) WTF with George Lopez: http://www.wtfpod.com/podcast/episode-1136-george-lopez
