• This was unlike any week I’ve had since 2011. In January of that year, I had mostly finished production on my thesis film “A Portrait of the Sandwich Artist as a Young Man.” Before you continue, please know this is going to sound extremely pretentious and grandiose and I apologize in advance but I want to spread some awareness of something I didn’t know existed. OK, back to the movie.
It’s 2011. I had just finished making this 14-minute movie that I was convinced was a MASTERPIECE (here it is if you want to see: https://vimeo.com/44733572). I had used every ounce of creativity my 22-year-old self could muster to tell this made-up tale of a tortured sandwich artist. It meant a lot to me and while making the film I reached what I thought was an elevated, enlightened state of being since I had pretty much achieved what I thought was my vision for the first time in my life; I was making art I told myself. I was so proud of this thing it actually made me go a little insane.
This pride led me to to giving advice about filmmaking to my peers in a loving and generous way that might have been too much and forced people to get really honest with me about our friendships and relationships. I meant well but it was fairly destructive. I just wanted everyone to feel what I felt making that movie. The pure, unedited, uncut expression of self. It was too much for most and I wholly get that and I’ve repressed those few passionate weeks for years.
It should be noted, ten years removed from the short, I recognize it for what it is: a pretty good student film that’s HEAVILY influenced by Wes Anderson, a true artist.
Anyway, this past week, the overactive “elevated state of being” manifested itself again.
I’ve been working on mashups on the weekends and I’ve gotten REALLY into it. Most decry that it’s not a real art form and that’s fair. I just think of it as a way to express all of the things (music and sounds) that I love all in one place. It’s extremely fun when pieces of a disparate puzzle fit together (like “Clocks” by Coldplay and “Land Down Under” by Men at Work) and I get a bit of a fuzzy, mental high while experiencing my favorite things in new ways.
That was until I reached the final stretch of the project. I have a bin of all the music I wanted to use in the piece and spotted one of my all-time favorite songs “The Magic of Halloween” by John Williams. This song regularly makes me cry on its own. The image of Elliott and ET flying over the moon is perfect and the song is 70% of why that’s true. When it crescendos, there’s nothing more powerful and it shakes me so hard that I can’t help but emote.
I dropped the track in my timeline and started putting songs over it. Tears started welling up within me. Oh, no. I was creating what I thought was important art again (even if it was John Williams’ work that more than stands on its own; does Williams cry every time he writes a song? He must). The elevated state of being began after I exported what I thought was something very special.
Here’s the mashup by the way. It’s kind of long (22 minutes and 49 seconds) but a worthy listen I would say: https://vimeo.com/429030285 (good for running!)
Soon after completing the mashup, I was on that creative high again. I put a status online this past week about wanting to be like Judd Apatow and Lorne Michaels (more on him later) where I speak with comics and treat them to what I now call “Comedy Therapy.” This led to around 80 in-depth, intimate into the middle of the night conversations about comedy careers with my peers, folks above me in the industry and strangers on Twitter. I learned a hell of a lot about what sets us all back in our careers. This is insight to save for a book not just give away for a skimming on social media (obviously would not name anyone in said book for those of you reading).
Anyhow, this elevated state of being is not normal. It’s manic. That’s all I knew about it. That’s as far as my self-diagnosis got. So, nine years too late, I looked into “Mania” on Wikipedia bleary eyed at 2 AM one night. That wasn’t quite it.
Then, I found “Hypomania.” Wow. This was it. Here is the short definition from Wikipedia (with parts omitted; these were the only parts that applied to my situation):
Hypomania (literally "under mania" or "less than mania") is a mood state characterized by persistent disinhibition and mood elevation (euphoria), with behavior that is noticeably different from the person's typical behavior when in a non-depressed state.
Characteristic behaviors of persons experiencing hypomania are a notable decrease in the need for sleep, an overall increase in energy, unusual behaviors and actions, and a markedly distinctive increase in talkativeness and confidence, commonly exhibited with a flight of creative ideas. While hypomanic behavior often generates productivity and excitement, it can become troublesome if the subject engages in risky or otherwise inadvisable behaviors, and/or the symptoms manifest themselves in trouble with everyday life events.
Luckily, I now had the power to hone this within myself. It’s a scary feeling flying high. This time, I have the wonderful Anna E. Paone at my side and she helped me calm down but not fully let go of this perpetually blissful state of mind.
Anyway, that’s where I’m coming from this week.
• This manifested itself most purely this week when I didn’t experience fear Tweeting about the greatest gatekeeper in comedy calling them out (this is where Lorne Michaels comes back). I wrote:
To all white comedy allies of Black Lives Matter.
It is now SNL packet season. I know a lot of you are writing.
I have a proposal and you will be angry at it.
I think no white writer should apply for SNL this year.
Let’s make it so they only have to hire POC this season
Obviously, I have no power. I don’t work at NBC or SNL. But this was a message I believe in.
Not the best choice of words here but I felt like in a moment I truly believed in something greater than myself or self-promotion. How much different would comedy be if all white comics gave up their privilege and bowed down in solidarity to something greater? A world where representation finally shifted? Seemed cool to me and something I stand by. Could I get cancelled in the industry for this? I don’t know. This was simply a plea for something that would lead to an absolutely necessary shakeup in the most seen comedy platform there is. I stand by this message more than anything I’ve ever written (other than the poor word choice in places of course).
• Now to what I took in this week- no longer about what’s up with me.
- Dragonfly Multicultural Arts Center is a theater company run by my wife Anna and her Mom Catherine LaMoreaux. They weren’t allowed to put on their devised play “Black and Blue” with input by members of the community in 2017 since it portrayed police in a fair, negative and honest light when it comes to how they deal with race. This was an unjust use of censorship by their town and audiences were bummed that we would never be treated to a performance of this original work. This week, we were over Zoom. The play was beautifully rendered. Matt Holbert played the lead and gave him humanity which is so hard to do over Zoom; Paul Lombardo brought the perfect amount of menace to the wannabe comic cop and the script never veered off into a preachy flight of fancy about race; these characters simply existed. It felt real and crucial. I hope to get to see this one live. Dragonfly really outdid themselves here; it will be amazing to see on a stage someday.
- Learned that my college roommate Barry Rubin and Evan Sorosky edited what is being called “The greatest political attack ad” of all time by Harvard Professors. They’re not wrong. The ad, linked below, is footage of Lindsey Graham earnestly bashing Trump and praising Biden just a few years ago. He is brought to tears describing his friendship with Joe. What’s most effective about the ad though is they show the human side of Graham and what he’s capable of as a human being when he doesn’t resort to hate. I was moved. Proud to call these guys my friends and happy that they’re helping overthrow this current regime in an inventive yet kind way.
- I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge how insane comedy was this week. Chris D’Elia, Jeff Ross and Joey Diaz among others were outed for horrible behavior (Check Twitter if this is news to you). Don’t listen to me talk about this though. Please check out the admirable work Kelsey Caine is doing on Twitter outing those who have done awful things abusing their power within the community. You can follow her here: https://twitter.com/kelsey_caine
Also, somewhat related, I found an old video of Louis CK’s show that is now undeniably, hilariously ironic. It’s called “Apologize” and was cut from his show. It’s around six minutes long and viewed through the lens that he’s horrible at, you know, apologizing, it will really make you laugh. Sometimes nothing is funnier than hypocrisy.
Only saw one movie this week (being super excited doesn’t lend itself well to watching things passively). Here’s my review-
“Da 5 Bloods” (2020): Man, Spike Lee made SOMETHING here. Just released to Netflix, this sprawling, nearly three-hour epic is so many different things that you almost get sensory overload watching this movie. For those not in the know, the movie is about four Black Vietnam vets returning to Nam to pay their respects to a friend that passed in the war and also uncover buried treasure (it felt like “The Goonies” in some places somehow). There’s so much more. See this movie for these crazy elements though: an electrifying scene with landmines more than halfway through (will not spoil a thing about it), searing isolated Marvin Gaye vocal tracks, stunning Vietnam archival footage from the war I’d never seen mixed with Muhammad Ali, Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr. speechs AND old actors playing their younger selves instead of young actors playing older versions of themselves among a million other things. Yes, this movie would be a much tighter, Oscar-worthy 90-minute picture but Spike already got his Oscar; now he just wants to create and it’s evident. This is AN EXPERIMENT THAT HAS A LOT TO SAY, WORTH YOUR TIME (Streaming on Netflix).
“Comedy Sex God” (2019): Yes, I am a devout Pete Holmes fan. Almost like a simp; I’ll watch or read anything he does. This 300-page book of his is three things as the title simply lays out. There’s a bit about his fledgling comedy career thrown in here and there but he’s smart enough to know that’s been done to death in other memoirs. Instead, Pete focuses on what makes him interesting: his sexual repression and his relationship with God. The first 100 pages feel a bit joke-y but once Holmes meets Duncan Trussell halfway through the book, he gives us a Cliff Notes on Ram Dass whom he always talks about on the podcast and by the end you walk away with a totally different point of view about spirituality. It’s mostly about “Just being.” I liked it. I especially loved the final chapter about having a child. Most comedic writers emphasize the pits of child rearing; Holmes makes it sound like a wholly ebullient experience. IF YOU LIKE PETE, PUT THIS ON YOUR SHELF.
Grubstaker’s podcast; “Bill Gates episode”: Had been meaning to listen to this one for a while. Boy, am I glad I did. Yogi Paliwal, Sean McCarthy, Andy Palmer and others lampoon a new billionaire each episode and this Bill Gates episode with repeated usage of Windows sound effects regularly made me laugh out loud. Remember the smartest kids in your honors middle school class that made jokes that were too smart for you to even participate in and you just sat back and marveled at how clever and funny they were? That’s what this podcast was. Highly recommended; it’s a twofer of laughs and education.
SNL Nerds’ Dave Sirus episode: So, I had seen “King of Staten Island” and really admired the direction that Apatow and Pete took. However, I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge the third party that helped shape this film- former SNL writer and NYC comic Dave Sirus. I didn’t really know his story but after listening him speak to hosts Darin Patterson and John Trumbull, I was smiling ear to ear. Hearing his comedy origin story of being a huge SNL fan (anyone that can actually praise 90s SNL movies and find what’s good in them is A-OK in my book) leading to his start in comedy and multiple versions of the Pete movie that didn’t pan out made for a gripping 55-minute listen while I prepared dinner one night. The hosts have a natural rapport and respect for Sirus and the conversation flowed effortlessly. Give it a listen.
Alex Hooper headlining Medium piece: He might not remember this but I was awed to see Hooper at a New York Comedy Club mic back on New Years Day 2017; this was a well-established act I’d seen on television and here he was performing at a mic? This level of humility is my favorite thing to see in comedy. Always go back to your roots. This week, I stumbled across Alex’s excellent piece on what headlining is like for someone just starting out. How to own a stage, how to spend your time on the road. It’s a very worthy read if you’re interested in doing road work and moving to the next stage of your career. The link is below if you’d like to read.
Anyway, if you want to engage in comedy therapy, happy to do so. I love it and want to share with others (I have no real qualifications as a therapist or a working comic other than I just want to help people realize how they can be the best version of themselves they can be).
Happy Father’s Day, by the way
01.) Barry Rubin’s ad: https://twitter.com/barubin/status/1273637389626486786
02.) Apologize https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2b086z
03.) Grubstakers Podcast: https://soundcloud.com/grubstakers/episode-65-bill-gates?fbclid=IwAR2RjDUeeJgzNnViryxu4D_pqNIZqJh0fv0xlSDH_J_tklV7UrajeSaQihw
04.) Dave Sirus on “SNL Nerds” https://non-productive.com/snl-nerds-bonus-episode-writer-dave-sirus-on-the-king-of-staten-island-2020/
05.) Alex Hooper Medium piece: https://medium.com/@Hooperhairpuff/im-learning-how-to-be-a-headliner-d906b922d0f9
